" Certainly, Tinder seems to make it easier to not be vulnerable, to put out a bulletproof version of yourself.
But Tinder doesn't make it easier to fall in love just because it makes it easier to be exposed to hundreds, or thousands, of potential dates.
Or if I went a couple of days without a match, I despaired: Was it possible I had exhausted the entire population of age-appropriate men in Los Angeles, and none of them was interested in me? I started taking my phone to bed with me, which had been a longtime taboo, so that I could swipe, swipe, swipe late into the night. When it started feeling like it was taking over my life, I deleted it from my phone, took a break of a few days or a few weeks, and started again.
My profile stayed essentially unchanged over the year or so I was on and off Tinder, and everything I wrote on it was true.
(He fixed my glasses.) It wasn't until the last couple of years, when I was already well into my thirties, that I began to date date, and I quickly learned that the only people who truly like dating — and by dating I mean the numbing dance of texting, and not hearing back, and then finally hearing back, and then making plans, and changing plans, and finally meeting and deciding within 30 seconds that this is not your Person, and then doing it all over again — are generally either sociopaths or masochists.
But gradually the average age of my matches crept up, and I soon noticed a very real shift in the ways in which I engaged with people on the app — and that they were responding more sincerely to the message I was sending with my profile.
When I started using it in the spring of 2013, most of the guys on it were in their early twenties — way too young for me — and seemed to be only looking for a hookup.
I messaged with a few of them out of boredom, but the novelty quickly wore off.
As people age, they naturally grow less inclined to seek out relationships that are more casual. After you turn 33 or so, staying out past 10 on a school night becomes much more rare.) Also, as we age, the pool of eligible people shrinks, and with it so do the number of opportunities to meet people in the ways people met people in their twenties (well, before Tinder existed): through friends, at parties, at bars, at work, in grad school, wherever.
There's something really comforting to know that, in fact, there are actually tons of people out there who are age-appropriate and are looking for the same thing you are.